Having & Being
Yesterday I have picked up my new servant, an almost brand new apple note book and my very first thought this morning when I woke up went out to this new friend, who was lying on my table in my love art studio...
I was instantly bathing in gratitude.
For in the last four years I have been basically doing most part of my service on my I-phone.
Every post I ever wrote on any of my various accounts, all designs, all recordings, all emails, all chats, all the things one does in different systems and providers of the modern world, including filing out forms and applications, submitting reports etc. that I have accomplished in the past years, were mainly done by the one super hero attached to my body, which is my index finger.
Two of my blog entries were completely created on my phone.
I don't have enough words to express how thankful I am for the start of a new service era for me on this day.
I also have no words to describe the struggle I went through with my previous few laptops who found their end too early in my view in the past few years.
Maybe I will dedicate one blog entry sharing only about them.
Today I was thinking more about how growing up in poverty has shaped my reality and personality.
Yesterday I was remembering the day when I got my very first bicycle.
I was six years old and it was a blue summer in my birth town in Poland and my father came down the little path to our home pushing a metallic blue bike that was completely new.
It was a boys-bike and I was supposed to share it with my one year younger brother.
It did not matter to me even I would hurt myself in the beginning days of my big bike training quite a bit in my private parts.
I knew my father did the right decision buying a boys- bike for he intuitively knew, that it could leave a bigger self-esteem-damage for a growing boy being teased for driving around with a girls bike than it could ever leave on me, his happy little super girl: My joy about this bike was so vast that it created a light wall for protection around me.
This bike was the beginning of the training of some vital yang qualities that I needed on my journey to navigate through this yang-filled life.
Growing up with having a little material things and a lot of struggle in the material world helped me to become who I am and to develop these major qualities like:
1. Taking nothing for granted
2. Always focusing on what I have instead of on what I don't have
3. Being thankful for everything, the big and especially the small things including all that nature gives us for free
4. Knowing that everything in life has always two sides or aspects
5.Putting things in the right perspective
6.Focusing on solutions instead of the problems
7. Living in constant appreciation for all good and not so good, instant of complaining
I don't take things and people, training and opportunities to learn and grow for granted.
In my childhood I learned to deal with situations that showed me that nothing lasts for ever: Circumstances and what we think, is our foundation, can change with a blink of an eye.
When I was 15 I had to leave our home in the middle of the night and go to a place I did not know for shelter.
I only packed one bag for myself and helped my mom to pack hers and the one for my two little brothers.We did not know how long we would stay...it turned out to be two month.
I lived for that time with what I had packed in my sleepy mode.
Later when I lived in India for few month and travelled with my Guru Amma for her south India tour, we were only allowed to bring one bag with our personal items on the bus and one role with our "bed" which was a thin yoga mat, a tiny pillow and a towel, I rolled up to one package.
The magic Hermione Granger bag was not bigger than 40 cm long and maybe 30 high.
I squeezed in everything you can think of and made wise choices like a mosquito net and a note book to write instead of a second pants.
I was happy, life already had prepared me for that trip.
We were living in schools and sleeping on the cement floor with more than 30 women and only an inch space between the yoga mats.We also only had one bucket of water for "shower" and laundry wash for each one of us a day.
I embraced myself for cutting my beautifully healthily grown hip long hair to a bob (right before the India-adventure began) and for my decisions to wear only a white sari and of course no make up at all.
I managed the real bucket challenge very well and on days I did not wash my cloth, I could tilt the whole bucket after soaping all above my head for an almost real shower experience. I was literally bathing in joy.
In my childhood I went though some camp-like survival training with for instance no heat in thee house or no light or no warm water and I have some great memories doing the weekly laundry wash for me and my three brothers in the full bath tub after warming the water for it in a big pot down in the kitchen and carrying up the bathroom on my own.
This was after some nice gentleman came to seal our hot water system due to unpaid bills.
What might sound like a bunch of bad karma was a vital preparation for life in my view.
In these days of isolation and deprivation and sacrifice we might easily feel trapped, stuck or betrayed by life.
Some people who are starving now from the withdrawal of some daily pleasures might have the chance now to heal what were the feelings behind the pattern of compensation they turned their senses in.
Hamster purchases are a result of fear and this fear was deeply buried inside and showed its power and ugly face through some man made incidents.
I feel genuinely happy, I can leave the toilet paper in the store for those who are truly in need, as I learned early in my life to set priorities as well , as even in crisis to stay calm and to set the view higher, focus on solution and a long term transformation.
Coming home hungry from school and having nothing to eat on the table happened more than ones in my life and the lives of my three brothers and opened my heart to always see the luxury I am surrounded by, every single day.
Having a roof above the head, a real bed, a shower with warm water and even technological supplies that I embrace now every day like a dish washer, my car and this little one I am writing on right now, these are beautiful gifts in my life but they don't determine who I am.
I learned early that "being" is more important and beautiful than "having".
We can all experience the difference easily by repeating the following:
I have gratitude.
I halv gratitude.
I have gratitude.
I have gratitude.
Feel the power of these words for a moment.
I am grateful.
I am grateful.
I am grateful.
I am grateful.
Do you all feel the difference?
For me, I believe that when we can grow in this challenging time and shift from compensation to appreciation, the world we will step out after quarantine, will be different.
Many of us have to really learn to stop complaining about what is not right and focus on doing what they think, could be done better.
It takes the universe a lot to hit my complain-button as well as feel resistance when its time to change.
Its not like it never happens but I think I learned early as a child what many adults are asked to learn now: Taking responsibility.
All playing and staying at home, doing schooling and things together we have not done for long can be an opportunity to find appreciation in all that we took for granted before as well as to realize there is no one to blame for everything that is happening right now, its our own creation and the choices we made before are reflecting now back on us.
Sitting in my holy bed, still in my pajama with this piece of art on my lap, I feel almost like Carrie Bradshaw in her best days...with the difference that she would be now looking on some dark walls from her New York apartment window during the quarantine, while I am watching the birds fly around my mountain and drink celery juice for breakfast, she would empty her storage of Champagne.
Yesterday when I was sitting for lunch in cafe downtown I was reflecting about life in my previous home towns now and all the social life that came to a stop there now, funnily I was sitting right to two young women who were speaking in German and I could overhear pieces of their conversation.
They were reflecting about life too and one expressed that she thought by the age of 29 she would be already married to a nice, rich guy, having some kids and enjoying life...and now this...
She did not share what enjoying meant to her and there is basically nothing wrong with the ideas she had but I had a few other thoughts about that, that I will share in my next blog.
All I can say true joy does not come from having what we want, it comes from being the one who can enjoy what we have.
And what I wish to ad is that for me, even I often did not have enough to live, I did not grow big dreams of owning a lot of jewels and property and the only thing that needs to be gold about my man is his heart and his ability to shift beyond the illusions, we tend to create in the sophisticated world to love, peace and harmony, no matter what.
With Love and Light
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